Steveill the Weevill (synabetic) wrote,
Steveill the Weevill

Because it has to be said.

Occasionally I like to have my Stick of Hate (plus a few pounds) self look at the current US political climate and take notes. Here are just some...
Note for those who don't know me: I am an American citizen who votes. You know, just in case you think I'm canadian and should shut the fuck up based on that notion.

The following works like this: I present the result first, and then the factors second as a list-- well, you'll get it.

Result: You are a fucking idiot.

Factors: If...

- You watched the movie Expelled and thought it was a good and reasoned documentary.

- You think Obama is a Nazi or anything like Adolf Hitler.

- You bring firearms to a public demonstration and take issue with people saying that you should be locked up / suppressed. (See comment section below for a nice, slightly modified version of this!)

- You hold the "Founding Fathers" in a godlike regard and think that rich white men who wanted to rule their own country in the later 18th century are absolutely infallible and everything they said is the "word of Gawd".

- You think Obama is a tyrant and plans to subjugate the American people under his mighty black boot heel (which has a goldfish living inside it, naturally).

- You think Canada is a socialist or communist nation.

- You believe that Obama should show his birth certificate. (This counts double, by the way.)

- You believe the moon landing was hoaxed.

- You think the Earth is 6000 years old.

- You believe that Christianity needs people to "stand up" for it. (Worth triple if you think Christianity is threatened in any way, or that Christians are oppressed.)

- You think we all descended from a guy named Noah. EDIT: Or one of his posse on his glorious disco ship-- WHAT, my version is waaaaay cooler, 'kay?

- You like to say "an armed society is a polite society".

- You feel that the Judeo-Christian holy Bible is the indisputable word of your God and that a bunch of (mortal) people with an agenda didn't write it.

- FEMA death / detention camps are a reality to you.

- You think Glenn Beck makes a whole lotta sense. (This counts for TRIPLE.)

- You believe you can successfully argue that health care for all is a bad thing without making yourself look like a cold, heartless tool.

- You are convinced the the Single Payer System for heathcare will lead to "OMG! SOCIALISM!!!".

- You think wearing a "Don't tread on me shirt" or something similar makes you a better American citizen.

- You think a revolution is what we need as Americans.

- You believe being socially liberal is "evil".

- You think gay marriage is a threat to marriage between men and women.

- In your mind, the gays are a dangerous group of deviants.

- You constantly say you want "less government" and yet you want your ideas of "what's right" impressed on everyone. (Added points if you think you should be on the group who enforces what's "right".)

- You watched Red Dawn and feel that could actually happen and you are up for the task of leading partisan units against, say, the Russians... if they ever get their shit together.

- You say things like "I just don't want to be Communist, like Russia".

- You openly say that everything Chinese is inferior, and yet you still shop at Wal-Mart.

- You consider yourself a "great patriot", quote the "founding fathers", are for less government, hate single payer healthcare and shop at Wal-Mart or Target, or any place like them.

- You are on Medicare, but think Single Payer Healthcare will doom us.

- You constantly state the Nazis were secular and non-Christian. (Now where did I put that Gott Mit Uns belt buckle...?)

- You are Republican and live in a trailer park or are working poor.

- You consider yourself a Libertarian but find yourself thinking Bush was a great president.(Double points if you side with the Republicans most of the time... this makes you a Republican, not a Libertarian.)

- You consider Ronald Reagan to be some kind of great hero, and yet you know nothing of Dwight Eisenhower. (Less points if you think Reagan doesn't hold a candle to Eisenhower.)

- You catch yourself saying "That Rush Limbaugh guy sure makes a lot of great points...". (Triple score if you not only agree with him, but are prepared to prop his drugged up ass up while you take on the "New Nazis".)

- You consider yourself to be one of the "New Chosen".

- You think Obama is evil and will lead the nation into ruin, yet you voted for Bush. (Double if you voted for Bush twice.)

- You don't realize that you're saying the same shit that anti-Clinton lunatics did back in the mid to late 90s. (Note: You are NOT a lunatic for being anti-Clinton. What I mean are those lunatics who went after him and other folks for completely inane and insane reasons.)

- You strongly feel the Iraq War is still justified and right.

- You strongly feel that the Arabs need to be forced to be "like us".

- You condemn things for being socialist or communist or fascist, liberal or conservative, left or right, or whatever, and yet you cannot define the terms you are using.

- You believe atheists are a danger.

- You are against the idea of evolution and natural selection entirely, and that you still consider it all an "unfounded theory".

- You consider the President of the United States to be more important than the weight of all those other politicians. Basically if you treat the American President like a King.

- You use Conservatism as your excuse for being ethnophobic/racist, anti-atheist, anti-homosexual, anti-free thought, or being a nasty cunt of a human being in general.

- You use Liberalism as your excuse for being an elitist wanker who won't listen to anything but your own choir of righteousness.

- You read the last two factors and go "Hell, Yeah!" then you probably qualify for the other. You are probably a dick-- double your score.

- You think prayer in schools is a good idea.

- You think having Christian studies as an elective is great, but you consider other religions mythology and so they aren't available in the curriculum.

- You make lists like this and believe it will change anyone's mind.

Okay, I have things to do... Feel free to add some points of your own!
Tags: assholes, lists, politics, stick of hate
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