1. Crush your enemies.
2. See them driven before you.
3. Hear the lamentations of their women.
4. Bacon-wrapped lamb.
It's National Talk Like O.J. Simpson Day, right?
...Bacon. Ayrshire bacon. Freshly cut. Wrapped in paper, even.
My better half spoils me.
Also, I feel that no pan-dimensionally celebrated birthday is complete without Dora the Explorer's Pirate Adventure.
It is time.
It's what you fight the Velveetoids off with.