I have another minute to indulge in posting, so I think I will. Yeah, yeah, tough. Deal.
This time, how about video games? I was reading this article
at GamePolitics.com and that made me click some links and watch a video that made me want to kill. Now, keep in mind: Video games don't make me want to kill-- those twats on that FOX program do. Seriously, I would like to drown them in urine. Read the article on it, which has a transcript and the video here
I'm baffled. Baffled that Mass Effect
, an action RPG, is making the news like this. What's next? Talking about the Princess Rape in Mario Bros.
? Because that's about how accurate this bullshit is. I know that in the terms of the Intardnets, this crap is Ye Olde News, but I just have to mention it again.
Once more, with feeling: MASS
Wow. I wonder if parents groups will go batshit if they find out that in Knights of the Old Republic
you discover you're a mass murdering Sith Lord towards the end.
Ah, sorry, spoiler. Hey, if you didn't know, and didn't want it spoiled you should have jumped into the time-machine when I offered.
Anyhow, yeah, no one is protesting World of Warcraft
where all you do is KILL, KILL, KILL (as well as having a 72% chance of being a total asshat
) and get stuff. Yay! Stuff
Look, I can see Armchair Moralists taking issue with (admittedly awesome) games where you murder hookers and suffocate people with plastic bags (GTA
, respectively), but come on... Mass Effect?
You see what you did with Neverwinter Nights 2
, Obsidian? You forgot the elf sex scene where we could have seen a bum (Canadian for "butt")! What the fuck
were you guys thinking
? Instead you made a game that SHOULD have made the news for ultimately being rubbish (mostly). Although I hear it got better with the expansion.
Sorry, I'm getting off track.
There's the bit in that video with a "panel" (which I guess "panel" in this instance means "people who should be drowned in urine-- twice") giving their "thoughts" (read: mouth-farts) about something they know NOTHING about. NOTHING. They even gleefully admit it. The only person in the video worth mentioning is Geoff Keighley
(who rules and rules HARD), and he seems to be a bit confused, probably thinking "how the fuck do these people manage to breathe
" and "someone has sex
with these fucktards" I'm sure. Poor, poor guy. But hey, that's his job so more power to him. It's too bad he has to deal with a fucking idiot-bitchtard like that woman he was paired up with. And then there's the shit about "parenting". ZOMG! It's so much tougher now!
I have an idea. Let's get into my washer and dryer and go back, say, 15,000 years and tell those primitive assholes about how hard we parents have it these days. Then we'll come back and I'll take that stone spear-head lodged in your FOX-wanker guts and sell it on Ebay for a small fortune, which I will use to produce Mass Effect 2: This Time With Graphic Fucking
. Sound good? I'll be sure it's rated T
; you know, to honour the panel.
Oh, it's so hard to be a parent these days! Always with all that reading and telling your kids what to do. Making sure they don't set the dog on fire or eat the neighbour's pet wolverine. It's SO, SO, SO HARD. I just wish the government would put an end to these sex-games-that-are-not-sex-games. That way I can continue to read Oprah's thoughts on tea leaves while my kid eats lead paint without a worry in the world! In fact, getting rid of these games will make it that much easier to endure child slave labour in order to make those fine name-brand products I love so much. Oh yes, please. Thank you. How can I have my parental job made even EASIER? I don't need to read anything or lock up my chainsaw-face-rape games! Oh, thank you, thank you Moral Assholes. THANK YOU.
All right. I think you get the point.
On the plus side: Mass Effect is getting Mass Exposure. Now if only FOX could catch wind that you can kill LITTLE GIRLS in Bioshock
. The possibilities are amazing!
Edited to add: Cooper Lawrence did admit
she "misspoke". I guess she thinks this makes her look less the asshole. It doesn't, of course. In fact, it tells me that she was just looking to up her book sales. Now, I've been in situations where I got bad information and reported on it, wanted to apologise, but was editorially hog-tied. I worked hard (well, as hard as time allowed; which meant a few posts somewhere or something and moving the fuck on) to spin it so I didn't look TOO much like a jackass. But at least I didn't just skip in and giggle myself to the top of the "must be beaten with sticks now"-chain. I also made sure to word it like it wasn't exactly fact and only nefarious data, and that anyone reading with a 3rd grade education could understand what I was talking about. But whatever. So, I know some people just enjoy railing on others-- I should know-- but fuck, this Cooper (Cooper? Her parents are -fired-) woman takes the cake. Often.
This goes without mentioning that she writes "pop psychology" books. Ooops. Just said it. You need help? If you got it from one of her mighty Tomes of Stupid then I pity the fool. I pity the you.